Five days in the hospital…

 Monday, I was starting to come around and remembered where I was, then I got sad. Cindy came in and brought Dude, and boy was I glad to see them, faces that I know and I don't want to poke and prod at me. I really like this hospital bed, so I had Cindy take a picture of the bed and the mattress; this will definitely be my new bed when my old one wears out. Since I've been here in the hospital, they have been giving me insulin shots in my tummy; I remember thinking, "I hope this didn't turn me into a type 1 diabetic, but the nurses assured me that it wouldn't. They asked me if I wanted to get up and go out and get some sun, and I said yes; Cindy brought my lunch, and we went out on the balcony; I wasn't ready to be seen by anybody except for Cindy and Dude. I was so grateful to be out in the sun and feeling better. There were a couple of other people on the balcony, and they looked pretty bad. Do I look that bad? I probably do. After lunch, we asked for the Hoyer lift, which was always in high demand, and we had to wait for it. even though I was still cold, they wanted me to wear a hospital gown because they said it would help lower my temperature, so I did, even though I still had my big happy blanket around my shoulders… Cindy washed my hair with one of those shower caps with soap and conditioner; these are pretty cool… I'm going to have to remember to get some of these. I'm sure everybody was tired of me asking them to put my microwave hello in the microwave, but everybody was so lovely. Before Cindy left, my realtor Jessica called to tell me about a couple of offers on my house, I went through and signed the offers, but I don't remember. Thank goodness Cindy was there to look things over for me. Cindy took off, and I spent the rest of bit evening watching TV and again dozing off and on; at least I'm feeling better, and I can't wait to get out of here and go home. It's probably best that I stay so I don't have to get up at 10 AM and go out into the cold; I'm sure that didn't help. One of my night nurses told me that he thought that it was not only a UTI but my body going sepsis, but he also thought that I was having a breakdown from all the stress of everything that's been happening.

Tuesday was a pretty good day. Cindy brought Dude with her to see me; it was great to see both. I have a long miserable night, one minute I'm hot, and the next minute I'm cold. Everybody is so lovely; many people come in just to say hello to Dude… He is always the life of the party! Cindy gave me a sponge bath with warm baby wipes and one of those shampoo shower caps, I felt so much better after getting a bath and my hair washed. I wanted to keep on my nice warm long thermal shirt, but the nurses told me that it would be better to put on a hospital gown because it would help my temperature to go down, so I did. It felt so good to be clean again, but I can't wait to get home and take a long bath. PT came in and asked me if I would like to get up for a while, so Cindy got me up; we went out on the terrace to eat lunch; it was so lovely to be out and feel the sunshine. The day went by fast, and it was time to go back to bed; I hoped I get to go home soon. Cindy changed my SP tube after I got back to bed. Jessica, my realtor, called with a new counteroffer on my house, and Cindy helped me sign it. After Cindy put me back to bed and left, I watched TV until I fell asleep.

 Wednesday was an okay day. I wish I was at home. I know I should be here. Karen came in and brought Dude; I don't really know he's there or even see him, but I'm glad he's there… It gives me a little bit of comfort. We did the personal care, then Karen changed my sheets and my nightgown and took Dude and went home. The rest of the day, I just watched TV and slept; I knew I must not be feeling terrific now; what I wanted to do was sleep all day long. I ate dinner and then went back to sleep after watching more TV.

 Thursday was a pretty good day; at least I'm home from the hospital! Karen came in and fed the hungry hound dog, fed me got me up in my chair; I can't wait to cruise around and take pictures of this gorgeous place! I always enjoy this view more after getting out of the hospital; it's like getting out of prison, I imagine… I never was in prison, and I hope to keep it that way. I knew it would probably be one of the last days I could cruise around and say hi to everyone. I cruised down to Dr. Owens; I had a wellness visit to ensure everything was okay after the hospital. I'm really going to miss Dr. Owens! She was not only my primary care Dr. but also my friend, we used to have barbecues, and our puppies used to play together. When I came home from the hospital, I noticed that my lighthouse stained glass that lit up was gone, and I freaked out; after I got to bed, I was desperately searching through my cameras to see who had taken, but I couldn't see it. It was my grandpa's, and I've had it on my porch for probably 10 or 12 years; pretty much my favorite thing about the whole house, and it's gone. That immediately gave me an anxiety attack. My aunt called Karen to come over and deal with me; she got me a snack and a lorazepam. Eventually, I kept telling myself it was gone, and there was nothing I could do… Man, I wish that worked. Rachel came in and fed the hungry knucklehead, put me to bed, and then fed me. She cleaned up and then went home; I wanted to keep searching for the lighthouse kidnapper, but instead, I decided to meditate and try to forget about it. So in my bed and relaxed, I started thinking about what had just happened? It happened so fast, and I didn't even realize I was that sick. Is it part of it a stress breakdown? So much is going on. Everything is moving so fast that I don't even think it's caught up with me yet. I watched TV for a while before I fell asleep.

Friday was an okay day. Karen came in and fed Dude, fed me, and then started doing personal care and bathing. After the bath, I just decided to stay in bed, it was my second day home from the hospital, and the first day I spent on the computer trying to figure out who took my lighted stained glass… I really loved that thing, and it was my grandpa's! Karen put me back to bed and cleaned up, and then before she left, she said," I need to tell you something, and I need you to listen to me… When I go on vacation, I'm not coming back; I need to find another job that will pay me what I make here!. Wow, this is what I get for giving her a job and keeping her all these years? I found her a place to live where she got a discount for taking care of me… This is how it's going to end? She had agreed to come to Oregon for at least a weekend and help train new caregivers. It just broke my heart; after 12 years, she's just going to leave me high and dry. I expected more; I know we were not best friends, but I feel like I was almost; this is the thanks I get! I promised her that I would give her money to help with starting again, but now I wish I wouldn't have made that promise. Then she just left. I understand that she's probably scared, thinking she's never going to find a job that pays what I paid her, but I have to start all over too?? I will have to figure out a way to train everybody, which will be hard because, from the down-laying position, I can't see what's going on. I'm so dyslexic; when I try to explain to people how to do something, they just get tongue-tied and turned around. I wondered if I had made a big mistake selling my house and moving to Oregon the rest of the day. My first idea was to just write out my house and give myself a year to see if I liked it; I would rent the upstairs to Omar… I offered it to Karen first. I was going to read the downstairs to Rosa and her family, and I wish I would've stuck to that plan, but shortly after I got here, I realized that to get a house that would be comfortable for all of us from going to have to sell my beautiful house. I spent the rest of the day thinking about that and the missing my lighted stained glass lighthouse, and it just made me very sad; I guess there's really no turning back now. I learned a valuable lesson: you cannot consider your caregiver's friends; they care about you only because you're paying them. I hope it will be easier going forward with that knowledge. All you can really count on is yourself! Krista came by to help me fill out the last of the paperwork on my house. Ronald from Hill-Rom came by to have me fill out some people that we forgot about what he fixed my bed. I watched some TV and played candy crush and tried to forget everything else. Rachel came in and fed the hungry pouch, fed me, and then started packing up some boxes… I'm really thankful that Rachel has agreed to help me pack because I feel like everybody else is also already gone. I watched TV and played more candy crush until I fell asleep. My friend Marci sent me the most adorable picture of her and her bunny; I'm so glad that I got back in touch with each other after not seeing her for 26 years… She is definitely a keeper! my cousin Rich sends me pictures of his dogs, the birds that swarm around outside, and his beautiful view of the Santa Cruz Mountains. I'm off to sleep.

 Saturday was an okay day. Cindy came in and fed the hungry Mongol, fed me, and then got me dressed and up in my chair. Because Karen gave me her notice, I had to make arrangements for my family to come and get me sooner; I was supposed to stay here until the end of May. Cindy took me to Cosco to get some more wipes; the rest of the day, I wandered around wishing I had a little more time to enjoy this beautiful city. Omar came by and brought some more containers to pack up stuff. My original plan was to get together and say goodbye to many people, but I'm glad it worked out this way because I hate saying goodbye. Rachel came in and fed the hungry hound, put me to bed, and fed me. Rachel packed up some more stuff while I watched TV, listened to music, played candy crush, and watched more TV until I fell asleep.

Sunday was a nice relaxing day. Cindy came in and fed the hungry little guy, fed meAnd they took off with Omar to get my seasonal decorations out of storage, they piled them underneath the pergola, and it took up one-half of it; I didn't realize there was that much. I watched TV for a while until Karen came in; we did some personal care and a bath, then I went back to bed. Karen went home, and Omar and Cindy came back, dropped off the boxes, and then everyone went home; I was delighted to have this time to myself because it was just really sad, and I didn't think that everything had caught up to me yet… Susan, my massage therapist, says that she doesn't think it is hit me yet but that when it hits me, it's gonna hit me hard, so I think I'm anticipating that moment. I finally realized that today is my mom's Birthday which means escrow closes on my dream home, and soon I will be moving to Oregon. My Oregon family took my mom out to dinner, and it looked like they had a fantastic time! My mom looks so happy! My cousin Rich and centric the progress they're making what are you doing on the fence on their property in San Jose, I lived there several years, and everything looks the same! I've been online all day trying to cancel stuff that needs to be canceled, change my address on everything I can think of, and make a list of everything else I need to do. My brain is getting tired, so I watched TV until I fall asleep.