Am I ever going to stop being this sad? I can't remember ever being this sad in my life…

 Monday was an okay day. Karen came in and brought me some beautiful white tulips and a couple of soothing candles, she made me a little memorial table… Cindy started it and Karen just added on to it. It is so beautiful! She fed dude and then got me dressed and up in my chair. The guys from West Coast mobility, Bill and James, came by to fix my ring doorbell and to install my new motor for the ceiling lift… This one's going to be a lot better because before we have to line up the lift with the charger and make sure there's a yellow and green light, a lot of times it never got charged. With this one the remote plugs into the wall so there is no question that it's being charged, it also beeps three times to let you know. Dude and I took off for a cruise through Depot Park, down to the end of the wharf and back and over to the boardwalk. When I got over to the boardwalk I looked at my battery indicator and it was really low so I decided to turn around and go back home, I forgot I was driving around in an unpredictable chair. If my chair breaks down I don't really have anybody to rescue me because Adriana is gone to Utah for a week and Omar isn't back from Mexico yet. I made it home and into the house and I was so happy except that it was only 1:30 PM and Rosa doesn't come in until 4 PM, we did some commands and hung out outside… The weather was beautiful. Rosa came in and took Dude out to go potty and fed him, she put me to bed and then fed me. she buzzed around for a little bit and then went home. My aunt sent me a picture of the most beautiful butterfly I have ever seen! One of her ex-tenants from the triplex started collecting caterpillars and giving them an enclosure to morph into butterflies and even after moving they still stay in touch. I added some pictures to my blog, listen to music, cried a little, and then finally watched 90-day fiancé before I drifted off to sleep.

 Tuesday was a nice relaxing day. I keep thinking one day I'm gonna wake up and just be okay and stop crying at everything. Cindy came in and fed Dude and then fed me. Maria from the Woofpack texted me last night and told me that one of Robby and Dude's best friends at playgroup passed away today, she was a  Hound dog named Mary Margaret and she was so adorable and sweet! Mary Margaret's mom Barbara sent me a really sweet email telling me how much her dogs adored my dogs and vice versa. We've been emailing back and forth and were going to get together in a few weeks and reminisce about our fur babies. I decided to let Dude go back to the puppy play date today and Thursday so he could visit with the captain, Mary Margaret's brother. Sometimes it's really hard to tell the captain and Dude apart, I hope they can comfort each other a little bit. I got a box today from priority mail and when Cindy opened it up I couldn't believe it, it was a supersoft blessed blanket that one of the ladies from CCI made… I looked up her website and she has made a lot of these for sick dogs and for dogs that have passed. It smelled really good, like baby powder and it was so soft! It came with a really amazing card that was so sweet! It made me feel so good! One of the guys that were in team training when I got Dude told me that somebody wanted to send me something and asked for my address, I gave it to him but I was certainly not expecting this! Cindy fixed it up minimize little basket and put it with Robby's memorial. I listen to music, edited photos, watch TV, and try to sleep a little before Rosa came in. She fed Dude and then fed me, I feel a little bad because every time I start talking to anyone I think of something and start crying so I really not that talkative and I sincerely hope that nobody takes a personal. I just think it's fast that I'm alone right now. Rosa cleaned up and then left and I just watched 90-day fiancé and a couple of other T-bone shows just to make some more room on my machine, I think it's like 2% empty. Today was just a really sad day and I hope I can just go to sleep.

Wednesday was a nice relaxing day.  Susan came in to give me a nice long two-hour massage, I really needed it! Karen came in and fed Dude and then she fed me, we did some personal care and of course a nice hot relaxing bath. I'm not in a very good mood today and I just want everybody to get done with what they need to do and leave me by myself. I listen to music most of the day and watch some shows on TiVo, not really paying attention because I'm playing cribbage online with nobody in particular. Rosa came in and fed Dude and then fed me although I really wasn't hungry I just kinda went through the motions so she could go home for the evening. For the rest of the evening, I watched 90-day fiance: happily ever after? Explain a little bit more cribbage until I fell asleep.

Thursday was a pretty good day. Karen came in and fed Dude and then fed B and got me dressed up in my chair when I was about halfway dressed I remembered that today was going to be Dude's last day with the Woofpack, he was so excited to go but we need to get back on our schedule.  I finally called Nick from Bay area gate and he said he would come out and fix my gait, I had sent him three or four emails but I guess he must not read his email. I really hate the phone but sometimes I just have to call somebody. After Dude left I decided to just go out on a cruise by myself, I've been cold the last several days and it's supposed to be 80°. It was too hot to wear a sweatshirt but really too cold to wear a thin long sleeve shirt. I cruised down to the end of the boardwalk and back, down to the end of the wharf and back and I was going to go downtown to see if I could get a Sim card for my phone, It is totally out of room. I didn't want to get stuck so I decided to just wait until my brother gets here, he is supposed to be here at three PM and it sounds like it's going to stay for a week. I came back and rested for a bit just-in-time to say hello to my brother Stanley, he flew here from Oregon. Rosa came in and put the groceries away that I ordered from Instacart, I ordered them from Costco and of course, I ordered way too much stuff… The guy was texting me as he was putting the groceries on the back porch and he said "Fun fact… I live right next door to you. Small world! He said he just moved in last week. Rosa sent fed Dude and then put me to bed and then fed me. She headed home and I just watch TV until I fell asleep.

Friday was a pretty nice day. Karen came in and fed Dude and then fed me, we decided that since it was going to be 95° today she was going to get me dressed and up in my chair so I can cruise around with Dude for a while before it gets too hot and then come back at 2 PM so we can do personal care and a nice long hot relaxing bath. I turned out to be a great decision, Dude and I took off over to the wharf and I told my brother that Nick was going to come by and fix the gate in the driveway… It quit working a week or so ago and I emailed him a couple of times but I finally called him and got a hold of him. I was cruising around the wharf and Nick called me and told me that someone had unplugged the gate and that's why it wasn't working, it's plugged in behind the chase in the living room. I came back just as he was leaving and it was still early so I decided to cruise over to the boardwalk and back, it was starting to get really hot so we just cruised back. I watch TV for a while until Karen came in, she started putting me to bed and I remembered that Dude had an appointment at the vet at 2:20 PM so she called her husband and they cruised Dude down to the vet, it was quite a shuffle but he made it there on time. She came back and put me to bed and then we did some personal care and a nice long hot bath, Karen always makes it really nice there with candles, bath tea, essential oils, Himalayan salt, and rose petals… I have roses in my yard so Adela or Cindy put them in a vase in my room and then when they start to wilt we put them in a bag so we can use them in the tub. I got back into bed and I noticed I missed a webinar that I signed up for on moving on after a spinal forward injury.  I ordered some memorial plaques and statues for Robby and they're starting to come in, I probably ordered way too much stuff like I always do but I just couldn't stop myself… It made me feel better. My mom and Stanley went across the street to play cribbage with my uncle and aunt. Karen got me some leftovers steak, baked potato, corn on the comp, and salad. After she left I watched TV until I fell asleep.

Saturday was a long relaxing day. Cindy came in and fed Dude and then fed me. I knew it was going to be really hot even before I had a chance to get up so I decided to stay in bed. There have also been thunderstorms along with the really hot heat, what the heck is that all about?? I listen to music for a while and then I watched another webinar I signed up for about electrical stimulation and the benefits of it after spinal forward injury, it was really interesting. I watched TV for a while and then watched a stay at home Michael Franti concert that I signed up for, about halfway through it the electricity went off but luckily I have a generator so I didn't miss a lot. My monitor went off and it's supposed to come right back on because I have a backup battery on it but for some reason, it didn't so I tried to get Alexa to call my brother and then my mom but that didn't work either, luckily my mom came downstairs because they could hear my bed beeping and turned it back on for me. I texted Trish to tell her it was starting in five minutes, I invited her over so we can watch it together and social distance but I guess you misunderstood and tried to watch it at her house but missed most of it because the electricity went off. She messaged me after and said she missed most of it and I told her I thought she was coming over but she said because of their jobs, her husband works for Parks and Recreation and she's a teacher, they are still not going into people's houses. The concert was really great, I just adore this guy, what he believes in and especially his music. They added three more stay-at-home concerts so course I signed up. My mom and Stanley went across the street again to play cribbage with my aunt and uncle, they have been asking me to play but I just don't think I'm ready to be around people that much right now… I think I'm doing okay one minute and then the next minute I'm falling like a big baby. I really don't cry very often and I prefer that nobody saw me so I opted out.  Jennifer, By an aesthetician, texted me and said that they closed her down again but she set up a big tent in her backyard and she was going to work from there so I'm going to see her on Thursday. I watched TV for a while and I was out.

Sunday was another long relaxing day. Cindy came in and fed Dude and then fed me, I think from now on Sunday is going to be breakfast burrito morning because I love them so much. She washed some close and straightened out and then went on home. There is this place online called Unifury, they make sweatshirts, T-shirts, mugs, campus paintings… Anything you can imagine and it's all personalized. You fill out how many people, animals you want on the item and then you can personalize it with hair color and length, skin tone, and breed. It's really awesome! I've gotten several items and I wanted one for a memorial for Robby, they will also put Angel wings if the person or animal has passed. I messaged them and told them I only one of the dogs on my sweatshirt because I'm in a chair and their service dogs so they actually drew a wheelchair and sent it back to me for my okay… How cool is that?? They sent me back the proof to okay and it looked great exhalation point. I didn't even think about getting up since Karen was going to come in at 2 PM to do some more personal care and a nice long hot bath. I listen to music and downloaded pictures of the wharf off of the Internet since I'm not getting out there with my camera I just felt like looking at some beautiful pictures. Karen came in at 2 PM and fed Dude and then we get some personal care and a nice long hot bath, I wasn't very hungry after but I ate a little bit and then watched the newest episode of 90-day fiancé… I am so addicted to this show I can't wait for the whole week to go by so I can watch another episode.  When Karen took Dude out to go potty she noticed that my marijuana plan had totally wilted, it was doing really good until this heatwave hit us… I like to take the leaves and put them in and rubbing alcohol and rub it on my arms neck and shoulders when they're sore.  I looked on the Internet for some pictures of the thunderstorms that we been having, the first night they were really bad. I watch Dr. Phil until I fell asleep.