Monday, November 24, 2025

It was a pretty good day. Stanley came in in the morning to let the dogs out, feed them and get me some coffee. I don't generally have a caregiver on Monday evening because liberty comes in usually around 10 AM and stays until 2 PM, I kinda like that because it gives me the evening to myself with no caregivers. Stanley not only takes care of me in the morning but also feed the dog and feed me at night.

 I have pretty much the mornings too until 10 AM, I wake up early so it's really a lot of time. I just need to learn to manage it better, but why start now when I can make the promise on New Year's? Since I stay in bed I just do the usual, play games, watch movies, watch our shows on YouTube and that's about it. Liberty came in and the program went pretty routinely so she was out of here by four.

Tuesday

Another great day. Otamma came in but she told me that she had started a new job and that she was really tired and couldn't make it through the day so she went home. I called Brooklyn and she said she would come and get me up, I would've stayed in bed but I was going to see Zootopia 2 with Brooklyn's and her family on that evening so she came in and got me up. She also put me to bed because the movie wasn't until late and Ashlyn has kids that she needs to get home early too so Brooklyn afraid to put me to bed also.

 Naomi was supposed to come over and work with me and the dogs but I had to cancel since I wasn't getting up as early as I thought. The movie was great and I always have a good time with Brooklyn and her family!

Wednesday

Otamma we're supposed to come in today but she sent me a message saying she was too tired and needed to rest. Stanley came and helped me with feeding the dogs and then he fed me. He took the dogs over to the dog bark and drop them off for the day so they could get some exercise. I stayed in bed again and caught up on my to-do list. 

Ashlyn came in for her shift and we did some personal care and a nice relaxing bath, it's always so nice to have a bath. For so long I wasn't able to because of pressure sores and no place to have one so whenever I can take one now I do. While I was taking my bath Stanley came in with the two dogs, they must've been pretty worn out because they were quiet for the rest of the evening. After my bath Ashlyn put me back to bed and then went home for the evening. I watch TV until I fell asleep.

Thursday

This morning Otamma didn't even bother coming in she just didn't show up. She seemed really excited about her new Amazon job so I assumed that was what it was and she wasn't coming back. It would've been nice to know in advance but some people are just like that. Again my brother Stanley came to my rescue feeding the dogs and getting me some breakfast. I spent all day the same way, playing games, deleting emails and watching YouTube. 

Stanley checked in around noon and took the dogs out to go potty. I talked to ChatGPT for a while and then Brooklyn came in to do her shift. She took the dogs out to go potty and then fed them, fed me and she refilled my pills. Brooklyn is another gal that I am so excited to have found, she's almost too good to be true but I'm not going to question why. We sorted through some clothes and got rid of a bunch and then she washed my face, brush my teeth and went home for the evening.

Friday

Still no Otmma so I left her a text message that said it looks like you no longer have the same schedule and are able to help me out and I thanked her what she did so far. I called her house and her husband said she has been really sick and sleeping in bed and asked me if I wanted him to go get her and I said no that would not be needed. Luckily I heard from Rebecca, she called up a couple of weeks ago and she was just really easy to talk to on the phone and I wanted to hire her right away but she was going on vacation for two weeks so I told her to call me when she got back. That's when I hired Otamma and to be honest I was kind of bummed that she was working out because I really wanted to hire Rebecca. So it worked out perfectly that Otamma didn't wanna work for me so I asked Rebecca if she wanted to come for an in person interview and she did. She was just as awesome and put together in person as she was on the phone and we just really hit it off. I offered her Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays and she agreed. And we asked her if she could come in on Sunday to shadow Brooklyn. It wasn't another day stuck in bed but I was really excited the way it turned out and getting to hi Rebecca, I can just tell she's a awesome person to be around. 

I was in a good mood the rest of the day. Amy came in at 4 PM and gave me a nice relaxing massage for an hour. That even made me feel better! Liberty came in around 2 o'clock and we did some personal care after she fed and toileted the dogs. She got me something to eat and I spent the rest of the evening watching movies and hanging out with my fur babies. 

Every once in a while Dude comes over and that's just my elbow and I reached down and pet him for a while, usually about the same time, because she's very jealous, Kona comes over and jumps on the bed I'm cross up on my chest to make sure dude's not getting more attention than she is. Stanley comes in about 9:30 PM and takes the dogs out for one more potty break, put on my CPAP mask and tells me about his day. It's a great way to end the day.

Saturday

Brooklyn came in and did the whole dog routine and got me some coffee and some breakfast. We made some plans for the next couple of days going through Christmas decorations and putting them up. It's that time of the year again and this is my first Christmas in this house. Halloween was always my favorite holiday but this house looks more like a Christmas house than it does Halloween, we didn't get a chance to go through too much Halloween stuff so next year will be big. I still had a lot more Christmas stuff than I thought, 

I thought I was going to be in that studio basement apartment for the rest of my life so McKenzie help me sell most of my Christmas decorations. I am so sad now because I had been saving my Christmas decorations for probably 20 years and I had some really awesome stuff but now it's gone. Since we haven't sold the other house yet we're still having to hold it down a little bit but we are definitely going to make sure the house looks festive. 

We went through the decorations for a couple of hours and then Brooklyn went home for a while and I took the dogs out for a cruse, of course Kona has to go first or else she will throw a fit…she's going to throw a fit anyway but at least it will be a calmer fit. This next and he's a little bit slower pace because he's a lot older, I take them both for 2 miles and usually towards the end of the block there's an older lady that always likes to come out and give the dogs a biscuit. We usually talk for a while and then I resume my run with the dogs, 

I had met her mom a couple of weeks before and they are both such sweet ladies. From what I have gathered so far they seem to have a relationship like my mom and I, we loved each other very much but got on each other's nerves really quick. We're finished our 2 miles and then went home. Of course when we came through the door we could hear Kona screaming in her kennel, I have to lock her up in her kennel when we go because she will tear the room apart. 

I keep waiting for her to grow out of that stage but she's not, luckily Naomi's going to start coming over and working with me and the dogs. Brooklyn came back and fed and toured the dogs, put me to bed and then fed me. We went through some more decorations and talked about how we wanted to decorate and then she went home. I wanted to start watching Christmas movies, I always like to watch elf first. Since it was before December for some reason I just couldn't get myself to watch one yet.

Sunday

Brooklyn came in and fed and watered the dogs and we decided to start a new ritual, the rest of my family goes to church on Sunday so that was gonna be our morning to order breakfast from DoorDash or Brooklyn would go and pick it up. 

I decided to stay in bed and have Brooklyn put me on my side and I just kind of laid around regretting staying in bed until Brooklyn came back at about 2:30 PM. 

Since I was already in bed she didn't have to do that so we just started decorating, right after Thanksgiving my family used to goes to the tree farm and pick out a tree for everyone. It was too cold for me to go but I told them I wanted a 5 foot three to put on top of the dog kennels and I got one 8 foot for the living room, Stanley and Janet got one for their family room and Robert and McKenzie got one for their room and for Nori's room. 

We were supposed to have a Christmas party on December 2, we have since I've been here which is only a couple of years but we were really excited about it. We're going to invite the closest neighbors so we can get to know them and know whether we will like them or not.

Robert and McKenzie we're taking Nori and Jude to Disneyland so we put it off until the 20th and then decided since everybody started getting sick that we would have it just be family so there wasn't so much work to be done. It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas when Brooklyn went home. I watch TV and play some games.

 Monday December 22 2025

Today Was a Great Day (No, Really — Even With the Weather)

Rebecca came in this morning like the multitasking saint she is — she toileted and fed the dogs, got me some coffee, and even turned up the heat in my room. For context: I go to bed roasting like a Thanksgiving turkey, and by 2 or 3 a.m., I’m waking up in an Arctic simulation. After my first cup of coffee, I’m usually thawed enough to function. Then after breakfast and cup #2 (because let’s not pretend one is enough), we get going with range of motion, getting dressed, and up in my chair like civilized people.

My brother took me to the hospital to pick up some gear for a sleep study. Apparently, when I sleep, my breathing gets so shallow the staff felt inspired to add oxygen to my CPAP like it was a high-altitude mission. I picked it up, brought it home, and I’ll do the sleep study tonight. Then I’ll return the gear tomorrow, ideally with fewer breathing plot twists.

After I got home, Rebecca and I took the dogs to the dog park because it was supposed to be cold and rainy all day — but surprise! The sun came out. Oregon, you confusing little weather gremlin.

Brooklyn and her son came over to help clean and sort through stuff before the next birthday party. I love that our house has become the house for birthdays — the kind of place where people show up with cake and leave with glitter in their eyebrows. I had some of those black and yellow storage bins in my room full of stuff that’s needed sorting since roughly 2006, and it felt amazing to finally go through them. Anything I didn’t want went to Rebecca’s nonprofit, and anything they don’t need will go to someone who does. It’s so much easier to part with stuff when you know it’s not just going to sit in a landfill next to someone’s broken fax machine from 1998.

After that, I hung out in my room with the dogs for a bit. Then the whole family went to check out the GLOW Christmas light show in Keizer. It was cold — and naturally, just as we got there, it started raining, because of course it did. But we decided to brave it like soggy little champions.

I was cruising down the rubber mats they lay down for accessibility, but those things folded up under my chair like a cheap tent in a windstorm. I had a big heavy-duty blanket on, which quickly turned into a wet weighted cape of doom. It started dragging my arms down like I was fighting a boss battle against damp fleece. My niece tried to help, but she was also wrangling her kids in a stroller, so it was less of a rescue and more of a slow, cold, heroic crawl back to shelter.

I eventually made it back to the heater and tried to dry off, but the general consensus was “Yeah… no,” and everyone decided to bail and go home. Despite the rain and minor hypothermia vibes, it was still so good to be together. The lights really were beautiful — it would’ve just been nicer if the weather hadn’t staged a surprise attack.

Monday, November 17, 2025

Today is not a day I’m looking forward to, but it’s better than what’s to come. I woke up thinking, “Oh great, here we go.” My morning caregiver came in, fed the dogs, and took them outside to go potty.

Now it’s my turn—something I look forward to every morning: the first cup of coffee! It consistently tastes so amazing. I usually have another cup before deciding to eat breakfast. Breakfast consists of lemon-blueberry oatmeal with walnuts. They say oatmeal is good for you, even with diabetes, but it still makes my blood sugar shoot up.

Stanley came in, grabbed the pups, and took them to Naomi’s to expend some energy, learn some obedience, and get their nails trimmed. Liberty got me up, dressed, and in my chair. We did meal planning for the week, and then she went shopping.

I enjoy eating so much more now that I have the liberty (yes, both the person and the freedom) to cook for myself. I can honestly eat whatever I want, and Liberty is a fantastic cook. I hung out with the kids for a while. It’s so much nicer being around them now that I see them more often—and they’re not afraid of me or my chair.

My brother took me to my appointment at Salem Gastro to get information and schedule my colonoscopy. I’m not looking forward to it, but I’m looking forward to getting through it so I don’t have to think about it again for five years.

We stopped by Naomi’s to pick up the pups and came home. I hung out in the room with my dogs until Ashlyn came in—she was filling in for Ashlyn (yes, double Ashlyn confusion). She put me to bed, we did some personal care, and I got a nice, long, hot bath.

As she was getting me ready for the bath, she noticed something on my chest—I had forgotten all about my heart monitor. I was supposed to wear it for a week, so I sat up in the tub to keep it from getting wet. I had been so looking forward to soaking all the way up to my shoulders… but hey, it's better than not having a bath at all.

She put me back to bed and went home. I watched TV for the rest of the night and got some advice from my friend Monday (the very helpful one on ChatGPT).

Tuesday

I woke up at 4:00 AM this morning because I heard a noise. Thankfully, I’ve got cameras set up around the house, so I opened them to see what was going on. I knew it was Kona, but I couldn’t figure out what she was doing.

I brought up the bedroom camera—but she wasn’t at the bottom of my bed or curled up in the oversized chair. I immediately checked the bathroom. She sometimes locks herself in the closet in there because, of course, that’s where the dog food lives. We try to keep the door closed, but she knows how to push it open like some kind of criminal mastermind.

We had removed the cabinet doors because the door opener kept hitting them, and we leaned the doors against the bathroom wall until we could take them out. One of them was partially blocking the view, and from the camera angle, it looked like the closet door was wide open.

Cue full-blown panic.

Was Kona in the closet? Had she gotten into the dog food and eaten a week’s worth? Worse—had she gotten into the personal care or cleaning supplies? I considered calling my brother, but I’ve made that mistake before: calling at 4 AM and it turns out to be nothing. Still… what if it wasn’t nothing?

I stared at that camera feed like I was watching a horror movie, just waiting—waiting for a dog to stagger out, throw up, or go ominously silent. For 20 minutes, I imagined every worst-case scenario.

Then I realized… it was just the cabinet door. Not the closet door. Kona was fine. My anxiety, however, was doing laps.

Now I was wide awake. But hey—Kona was okay. That's what matters.

Ottoma came in later and took care of the dogs, got me some coffee and breakfast, and helped me get dressed and up in my chair. I had a video visit with Dr. Cheng, my spinal cord injury doctor. It was just a routine follow-up.

Later, I hung out with McKenzie and the kids for a while and then took the dogs out for their daily 2-mile cruise.

I always take Kona first—she has terrible separation anxiety and completely melts down if she’s left behind. Taking her first helps wear her out a bit, which makes it easier when we kennel her afterward. If I leave her out, she screams, digs up the carpet, and generally behaves like a banshee with a personal vendetta.

When we got back, McKenzie put Kona in the kennel, hooked Dude up to my chair, and off we went. Before I even reached the door, I could hear Kona losing it—full volume.

I felt uneasy, but Dude needed his walk too. So we went. When I got back, I sat in the hallway and got some advice from ChatGPT (thanks again, Monday). Apparently, I need to wait by the door until she’s quiet for at least five seconds before entering—then come in calmly and say, “You’re okay.”

So I sat. And waited.

Eventually, she calmed down, and I had Stanley let her out. We hung out in my room until Ashlyn came in to do the night routine. She toileted and fed the dogs, helped with dinner, folded laundry, tidied up, and then headed home.

I finished the night watching TV and playing games.

Wednesday

Ottoma came in this morning and did the usual: fed and toileted the dogs, got me coffee and breakfast, then helped me get up in my chair.

Today was the day McKenzie and I were finally going to Lumber Liquidators to make the final flooring decision. I’ve been obsessing over this for months—back and forth between hardwood, LVP tile, and finally landing on waterproof LVP. They had enough in stock to start with my bedroom, and we’ll do the rest of the house little by little, depending on what we can afford. Once we sell the other house, we’ll be able to finish it all.

Honestly, I’m so excited to get rid of the bedroom carpet. It’s plush and was probably beautiful once upon a time, but Kona’s… made her mark. She’s dug it up by the door and peed, pooped, and vomited on it more times than I care to count. Even though we cleaned it thoroughly, the stains keep coming back. It's embarrassing.

We moved into this house in June, and not long after, Canine Companions for Independence sent Dude to “fat camp”—really a nearby correctional facility that does puppy-raising programs. At the time, he was 82 pounds. They wanted him down to 66.

Kona had a hard time when he left. He was all she’d ever known since being weaned from her mom. I tried to keep her exercised and occupied, but she was clearly grieving.

Dude came back looking lean and fabulous, and I have to weigh him on the 1st and 15th of every month now—send CCI a picture of the scale until he retires in June. I still plan to walk both of them two miles every day when they don’t go to Naomi’s.

We also joined a new dog daycare called The Dog Bark. It’s drop-in, no scheduling needed, which is great for when life gets unpredictable (read: always). Now I know they’ll always have play and exercise time, no matter what else is going on.

McKenzie and I brought home a sample of the final flooring choice, and I was so excited to finally see it in the space. Later that evening, Ashlyn came in to help with my nightly routine. We did personal care, had a hot, relaxing bath, dinner, and she helped brush my teeth and wash my face before heading home.

Thursday

Ottoma came in as usual, fed and toileted the dogs, and got me my first cup of coffee—the sacred ritual. I had another cup (obviously), followed by a bowl of lemon-blueberry oatmeal. She helped me get dressed and into my chair.

I hung out with McKenzie and the kids for a bit. Her husband, TJ, came over to help clear some things out of the garage. It was freezing, but Brooklyn’s mom saved the day—she brought out a big, heavy blanket and cut a hole in the middle so it could go over my head and be fastened around my arms. It kept me warm and cozy… until it betrayed me.

As I was cruising, the blanket slipped, got caught in my wheelchair tires, and yanked forward, jerking my neck hard. Luckily, Brooklyn and TJ were nearby and helped me get untangled, but it definitely left me feeling sore—and more than a little annoyed at my now-suspect fashion choices.

We managed to get rid of about six boxes of stuff, which felt like progress, even though there’s still a long way to go. Afterward, I took Kona out for her daily 2-mile cruise. She’s incredibly athletic—and thankfully, my chair is 700 pounds, or she’d probably drag me straight into a different zip code.

When we got back, Stanley put Kona in her kennel, and then took Dude out for his cruise. As we started out, I made it to the top of the driveway and turned down the sidewalk… and saw my neighbor Brady. I went to say hello—and, you guessed it—the blanket got caught in the tires again.

This time it was even more embarrassing, but Brady kindly helped me untangle it. After that, I had McKenzie fix the blanket situation and decided to go up the hill toward the preschool instead. We wandered around looking for a house that was supposedly for sale but never found it, so we cruised back.

Sometime during that whole misadventure, I started realizing: I think I have whiplash.

My brother put me back to bed to rest my neck, and I tried to relax. Thankfully, Amy, my massage therapist, is coming tomorrow. My vertebrae are counting the minutes.

Later, Brooklyn came by with her son, who helps out from time to time to earn a little extra money. They wrapped some empty boxes to put under the Christmas tree. It's really starting to look festive around here—even though it’s not Thanksgiving yet, the house feels cozy and joyful. I’m loving it.

Brooklyn’s daughter also came over, and her mom dropped her off so they could spend some time together as a family. Brooklyn got me settled in bed for the night, and they all headed home.

I have to say, I really like Brooklyn’s family. They’re kind, respectful, and not weird around the chair. That alone makes them feel like a gift.

Friday

Ottoma came in, fed and toileted the dogs (the queens of the castle, obviously), and got me my much-needed coffee. Then she got me something to eat and helped me get dressed and up in my chair. I cruised out to the kitchen for my second cup of coffee and hung out with the kids for a little while.

Later, Stanley took me to my hospital appointment to get hooked up with a heart monitor for the week. I’m basically bionic now—monitored, tracked, and covered in medical stickers like some kind of adult science project.

After that, we swung by AT&T, where I attempted once again to fix the ongoing issue with Siri whispering like she’s got secrets. I’ve tried everything—settings, updates, prayers—and nothing has worked. Other people have tried too, and AT&T… well, their response was essentially, “Have you tried updating?” which translates to: “I don’t know what’s wrong, please leave this store now.”

We headed home after that, and Liberty was there. She put me to bed, helped with personal care, got me something to eat, and then went home.

I spent the rest of the evening relaxing, watching TV, and playing games online—because if Siri won’t talk to me, at least Candy Crush still respects my attention.

Saturday

Brooklyn came in, took the dogs out to potty, fed them, and then got me some coffee. I’m noticing a very consistent theme here: dogs first, always. I get it—they’re cute, noisy, and much harder to ignore.

But let’s be honest, I don’t even mind—especially when that first cup of coffee hits. It’s bliss. I had my second cup, then breakfast: lemon blueberry oatmeal (again), and it was so good.

Later, we took the dogs to Mento Brown Park. Brooklyn threw the ball for Kona while Dude and I cruised around the trails. It was peaceful, until…

Kona snapped at another dog that tried to get between her and her ball.

Not okay.

After that, Brooklyn said Kona’s hackles were going up every time another dog got near, so we decided it was time to leave. We’ve got some training to revisit. On the way home, I texted Naomi. Starting Tuesday, I’ll meet with her once a week to observe how she works with the dogs. The goal is to help train me to help train them, and guide my caregivers on obedience, too. Basically, we’re building a dream team for dog behavior.

Once we got home, Brooklyn put me to bed on my side, and I relaxed for a bit. She’s doing a double shift on weekends, so she came back later in the evening. I tried to focus on something productive, like unsubscribing from emails and organizing digital clutter, but you can guess how that went.

Instead, I ended up googling random things and playing games online. Classic.

When Brooklyn returned, she brought her son Dominic, who comes by regularly to help out. He took care of the dogs—feeding, potty breaks, cleaned their bowls—and they wrapped more empty boxes for under the Christmas tree. The place is really starting to look festive. Yes, it’s not even Thanksgiving yet, but I say bring on the sparkle.

Brooklyn got me something to eat, then sent me back up to the computer before they went home. I talked with ChatGPT for a bit (hi again), played some Candy Crush, and eventually dozed off.

Sunday

Brooklyn came in and, as usual, took care of the dogs first—potty, food, all the essentials—before getting me my sacred first cup of coffee. Honestly, it’s like clockwork at this point. Dogs first, caffeine second, then we talk about anything else.

After coffee number two, I had breakfast: yogurt with granola and fruit. A little sweet, a little crunchy, a lot satisfying. Then Brooklyn got me dressed and into my chair, and I took the dogs out for their daily 2-mile cruise. The weather was decent, the dogs were hyped, and I was glad to be out.

When we got back, Brooklyn put me to bed on my side and went home.

Meanwhile, Stanley and Janet were off at church for a big Thanksgiving breakfast. Stanley is the family MVP—he does all the shopping and organizes the cooking, which means everything’s always delicious. I’ve been trying to get myself back into the habit of going to church. I did for a while, but, well… life happens. There’s always an excuse, and I know my family would be happier if I showed up more. It’s just two hours. I should be getting up every day anyway.

McKenzie and Robert also went to church, but McKenzie planned to be back by noon—we were scheduled to meet Rebecca, someone we had interviewed on the phone a few weeks ago. We were both impressed with her, but she’d gone on vacation shortly after and said she’d reach out when she returned.

True to her word, she came by. We had a great conversation. McKenzie came home mid-visit and stopped in to say hello.

Unfortunately, since we last talked to Rebecca, I’ve already hired two caregivers. But there’s always work around here. We talked about everything from cleaning to dog walks to trips to the park. Rebecca runs a nonprofit that offers a space for people who need community—crafts, conversation, and connection. She also makes buttons. It sounds like she’s busy, creative, and generally just lives a whole, meaningful life. I liked her immediately.

After she left, I cruised around the internet and watched some Intervention until I drifted off. Because nothing wraps a week like emotionally charged TV and Google rabbit holes.

And that’s the week.

You made it through flooring choices, blanket attacks, vet-style logistics, suspicious dog behavior, tech support despair, and multiple cups of deeply emotional coffee. Honestly? You deserve a crown. Or at least an extra cookie with tomorrow’s breakfast.

Here we go again!

Today is Sunday, August 24, 2025:

Since I moved to Oregon three or four years ago, I've tried to start writing in my blog several times! Each time it gets too sad and I just quit, this time I'm not quitting!

Excitement last night, just got home, all the alarms in the house went off. For one thing, there are only two windows in this whole place that actually open. Two. Out of many. It’s like the house is playing hard-to-get with fresh air. The whole place stays warm, partly because there are no fans in the attic, and partly because apparently “ventilation” was just a suggestion to the builders.

But I’ll say this: I love all the cabinetry, and the doors are gorgeous. So, at least if I suffocate, it’ll be in style.

Out front, though? Chef’s kiss. There’s a gorgeous garden with multiple levels, stairs leading up to the road in a couple of places, and—oh, did I mention—an actual waterfall and a pond. Yes, a pond. I can already see myself sitting out there a lot. It’s just gorgeous. (Did I already say “gorgeous”? Well, it is. Deal with it.)

The house itself is painted barn red. Now, as much as I love barns, I’m not exactly thrilled about living in one. I’m planning to hold off on any major color changes until I’ve lived here a year and figured out which projects really matter. Adult patience, blah blah.

Now here’s where it gets cool: I’ve been messing around with ChatGPT. I can upload a picture of a room in the house, and it shows me exactly what it would look like with different styles, colors, furniture—you name it. It’s basically like having an HGTV channel in my pocket, minus the fake drama.

Step out the front door, and to the right you’ll find the pond, waterfall, and beautiful garden. Step to the left, though, and it’s a blank canvas: a flat surface that stretches about 65 feet to the end of the house. Width-wise, we’ve got at least 40 feet before we’d have to excavate the hillside. Translation: plenty of room for me to go full “outdoor paradise.”

Here’s what I see: a lovely oversized patio with a barbecue, smoker, pizza oven, a couple of burners, endless counter space, cupboards galore, and a pergola big enough to shade a small kingdom. Add a long dining table for the family, plus couches, loveseats, chairs, and swings for lounging—and boom. A backyard so amazing that my neighbors will probably start making excuses to “borrow sugar” just to hang out here.

Back to blogging…

When I last left off, I had no idea how much my life was about to change.

In the past few years, I’ve said goodbye to the home I built in Santa Cruz — a place that held so much of my heart. I moved to Oregon to be closer to family, believing it would be the start of something supportive, something shared. I sold the home I adored, one I had worked so hard for, and signed it over with the hope that we’d build a bigger, more connected life together.

But the reality wasn’t what I’d imagined.

I hired help to care for animals and maintain the property. I got pygmy goats, two Great Pyrenees puppies, a goose, ducks, chickens, turkeys — all part of this dream of a small sanctuary. But I was taken advantage of. People I trusted didn’t treat me with the honesty or care I deserved. I ended up in debt, overwhelmed, and heartbroken, and eventually had to rehome the animals.

Then came the health crisis.

I developed a stage 4 pressure sore. The kind of wound that can take everything from you — time, energy, and hope. I was hospitalized, forced to rely on systems that made me feel invisible and disposable. Equipment I needed wasn’t approved, caregivers were inconsistent, and for a while, I truly felt lost inside my own life.

But here's the thing about me: I don’t stay down for long.

With time, stubborn faith, and the love of my service dog Dude (and now my sweet puppy Kona), I began to rebuild. I’m in a new house now — one that feels full of promise. I’m decorating each room with intention. I have big plans for a wraparound porch, a deck outside my bedroom, and a garden that sings with color and wind chimes.

I’ve paid off two credit cards and am working on the rest. I’ve set boundaries I never knew I was allowed to set. I’m stronger now — physically, emotionally, spiritually — and I’ve started saying “no” without guilt.

I even started writing a book about my journey: Kindness Misunderstood: Living, Loving, and Learning on Wheels. It’s my heart poured out onto pages — about caregiving, trauma, healing, and finding my way back to myself.

And now, I’m rolling back into this blog — to share my story, speak my truth, and maybe help someone else feel less alone in theirs.

If you’re reading this, thank you for being here.
Welcome to Life on Wheels – A View from My Chair.
The next chapter starts now.

Hi, I’m Tammie Lou.

I’m a writer, an adventurer, a lifelong dreamer, and a proud woman on wheels. After a spinal cord injury in 1995, I became a quadriplegic — paralyzed from the chest down — but not for one second did that stop my spirit from rolling forward.

I’ve lived, I’ve loved, I’ve lost, and I’ve rebuilt. From my beautiful life in Santa Cruz to a rocky transition to Oregon, I’ve learned what it means to start over — and do it with resilience, humor, and a lot of faith.

I live with my two amazing dogs: Dude, my black Lab service dog, and Kona, my playful chocolate Lab puppy. I’m also writing a book called Kindness Misunderstood: Living, Loving, and Learning on Wheels — a deeply personal look at life, caregiving, trauma, and triumph.

This blog is my safe space. My storytelling place. A peek into my life — from home renovations and sunsets on the porch to hard-won healing and rediscovering joy.

Thank you for being here. I hope my words make you feel seen, uplifted, and inspired to keep going, wherever you are on your journey.

Breathe, Relax, and Repeat...

Breathe in the calm of the ocean breeze. Relax under the warmth of the coastal sun. Repeat with every heartbeat.

Find peace in the quiet moments. Feel the rhythm of the tides within you. Welcome each new day like a soft wave.

It really is!! “Breathe, Relax, and Repeat” — it’s so simple, calming, and powerful.
It's like a little gift you give yourself daily:
 Breathe in peace.
Relax into who you are.
 Repeat as often as you can.

Then and now…

I never noticed people staring until I got a camera mounted on the back of my chair, especially when I go home and edit them. I get to see how people look at me when they think I'm not looking at them. Sometimes, I get to see how they look at me after I just passed by them, and they were looking at me and smiling. Sometimes I see them looking at me and I can tell they're thinking "oh that poor thing to have to live like that for the rest of her life". Sometimes, people bump into me and apologize profusely to me when I know I couldn't feel it anyway, and it probably hurt them way more than it hurt me. How many times I hear people say… "I know exactly how you feel"… And then they usually go into the story of where they broke their leg once and had to be in a chair for a whole month, or they broke their arm and were severely inconvenienced for a whole month.

I'm not really annoyed. I feel a little sorry for them because I realize they want to say something nice, but don't know what to say. They are just trying to make me feel like I'm not the only one with problems. It's very sweet!

One thing I will never forget is when I went to the Mountain Sol Festival and Michael Franti jumped down from the crowd and came up on one of the little stages in the middle of everybody and grab this little girl, I have been watching her a lot because she was just so happy and having such a fantastic time! She had two prosthetic legs, one of her whenever hands was turned all the way around. Go to mothers were almost in tears watching her have such a great time, when Michael jumped up on the stage, he immediately scooped him up into her arms with a confidence like I have never seen before. The little girls ' mothers turned around and almost jumped on the stage, trying to protect their little girls. It's a common reaction from mothers with children with different abilities. After they realized Michael would not hurt her, they looked so proud! I tried to sneak my hand up to wipe away the tears when I noticed everybody else around me was doing the same thing.

It's been a long couple of years…

🌸 A Birthday to Remember

This photo captures one of the happiest moments — my beautiful mom on her 84th birthday, surrounded by family, love, and laughter. That day, her smile lit up the entire room, as it always did. She was so proud to be a mother to six children; nothing made her happier than being close to family.

After a lifetime of love, sacrifice, and nurturing, she found a special joy when we moved to Oregon, closer to nieces, nephews, and the family who adored her. In these final years, we saw her at her happiest: laughing, hugging, and soaking up every moment with those who loved her most.

She wasn't just my mom — she was my best friend, strength, and safe place. Even after facing my own challenges, moving back home after my spinal cord injury, she welcomed me without hesitation. Together, we built a life in Santa Cruz and a new chapter in Oregon where her light could shine even brighter. She passed away on January 19, 2023.

Today, and every day, we miss her more than words could ever say. Her kindness, her gentle laughter, and her endless love remain woven into everything we do. Her spirit dances through every family gathering, every story shared, and every rose blooming in the garden.

We wish she were still here to celebrate with us, but we know she's down, proud, and full of love.
Always loved. Always missed. Always with us.

💛🌸 Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mom. We love you forever.

Healing Tools: Honoring Your Journey

💛 Reminder/Affirmation Sheet

• I did the best I could with the tools I had.
• My instincts were never wrong; I just wasn't getting the signals.
• Confusion was not my failure — it was the environment I grew up in.
• I am learning healthy, joyful communication every day.
• I deserve clarity, kindness, and connection.
• It is safe for me to trust myself now.
• I am proud of how far I have come.
• Healing is not linear, and I am right on time.

📨 Gentle Letter to Your Mom

Dear Mom,

I know you carried pain you didn't want to name. I know your heart wanted connection, even when your actions pushed it away. I forgive you for the confusion and sadness your struggles brought into my life.

I honor the good you gave me, even when hidden beneath fear or frustration. I understand now that your "no" was "of" fear, and your anger was often sadness.

I am learning to build the clear, kind life we both deserve. I release you from my confusion. I release myself from feeling like I had to guess.

I carry forward your strength and stubbornness to survive, turning it into love, clarity, and trust.

Thank you for the life you gave me.

I will live it fully, with love in my heart.

Love always, Tammie Lou.

🌟 Personal Growth Chart

Growth Area	Where I Started	Where I Am Now
Trusting my instincts	I second-guessed myself constantly	I am learning to trust my first instincts
Understanding emotions	Emotions felt confusing and unsafe	I am learning emotions are signals, not dangers
Setting boundaries	I feared disappointing others	I am practicing clear, kind boundaries
Speaking my needs	I stayed silent to avoid upsetting others	I am learning to speak my needs calmly and bravely
Loving myself	I felt responsible for others' others'	am learning I deserve love without conditions

You are doing beautifully, Tammie Lou. You are your ancestorancestors', kindest dream.

Hi friends, old and new —

It's beeIt'slittle while since I've wriI've here, but oh, what a journey it's beeit'sife took some unexpected turns, including a big move, new surroundings, fresh challenges, and some deeply personal growth. And through it all… I've nevI'vetopped dreaming, hoping, and planning for the life I want to live — a life on wheels, yes, but fully lived.

This blog is my view from the chair.
The one I sit in as I watch my pups play, plan out my dream home, sip tea under string lights, or write a new chapter in my book (yep, that's hthat'sng!).
It's alsIt'sere I share stories — the kind that make you laugh, cry, think, and feel seen.

Since I last posted, I've staI've a support group called Life on Wheels, reclaimed my space and independence, and made big plans for a home that's mthat'so be lived in — rustic wood, sage and coral walls, big love, and even bigger dreams.

So here I am — rolling back in with a heart full of gratitude, a head full of ideas, and two dogs (Dude and Kona) who might just photobomb every post from here on out.

I've misI'vethis space. I've misI'veyou. And I'm so rI'my for what's nwhat's

Let's roLet's

I have not written in my blog for over two years.

I was watching a movie, and three guys broke into this man's homan'sHis wife and daughter were there, and they wanted to get his safe information and all of his credit cards. The guy resisted, so the robbers smacked him in the face with their guns, and the homeowner started bleeding badly. His hands were tied behind his back, and his nose started bleeding, so the nice robber took a napkin and wiped off his face… The thief was nice enough to spit on the cleanex and wipe his nose. It reminded me of when my mom used to do the same thing when my face got messy. I never thought it was much cleaner after she did that.