My hospital stay was pleasant; everybody was kind and caring, and I felt comfortable. The next day after my operation, when they let me have solid foods, I ordered huevos rancheros, a colossal mistake! I think that night I had an enchilada, and it had beans, which I shouldn't have, but I figured, "I'm in the hospital, and they will tell me if it's not a good idea. I didn't know that surgery paralyzes your bowels, and mine are already paralyzed, so it was a rough couple of days. I have a friend, Cruz, who happened to live in Portland, so she came in to help me out, and boy, did she ever; she is a miracle worker! They were talking about sticking a tube down my throat, and I believe this girl saved my life! After that, I decided to stick to oatmeal, yogurt, salads, and Jell-O for the most part. The night before I was going to go home I actually read the whole menu and I saw that they had sautéed spinach and a spinach-stuffed tomato with cheese, it was delicious! They were supposed to pick me up with an ambulance because I needed to lay flat for six weeks. It's expensive to ride in an ambulance! On the way home, one of the guys who picked me up asked me if he could put some oxygen on me and asked if I had a CPAP machine; he strongly suggested I get one. When I got home I was so excited, I laid awake in the hospital so many nights just dreaming that I was back at home in my own bed. I have to lay flat in my bed for six weeks, and I hope it goes by fast, although I'm sure it won't, but at least I'll have my computer and my puppies. It felt like the slowest six weeks in my entire life but it's almost over, I have one more appointment in a week and a half at OHSU and then a couple days after that I get to start getting up for one hour the first day, two hours the next day and so on…
Little did I know that laying down flat all that time would mess with my already a fib heart, now I'm having to start Setting up and doing exercises a little bit every day trying to get my heart rate up normal. It gets way too high and then way too low, and I never know what I will get when I wake up in the morning. I've been working with my spinal cord injury doctor, and he's adjusting my meds and trying different meds to see if we can get it leveled out, but we just can't. I start doing really well, so I sit in my bed for a while, and then something happens, and it drops or shoots way up again. It doesn't help that my caregivers keep calling in sick; one sometimes waits just an hour or two before her shift, and there's no way I can find somebody to fill in. I often let it go to the extreme and get sick again. At least I'm getting my appetite back, and now I'm afraid to overeat and gain all that 20 pounds back; I need to eat a lot of protein, so I guess I'll lose the weight again when I can exercise.
I was talking to my cousin Debbie. I miss her so much. She is also having problems, and she goes in for an operation at the beginning of November. I would love to be with her.
I was thinking back on all the drinking I used to do, and I feel fortunate I made it through with only killing my pancreas, so now I have diabetes and probably lost a lot of brain cells, but I got out of it lucky. I remember I used to wake up at 2 AM with a pounding headache and an upset stomach. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do about it until my caregiver came in at 6 AM. By then, I was feeling so bad that I would ask her to get me another shot, the hair of the dog, and that usually worked, but it would start all over again. If I could take it all back, I definitely would, but that's not an option, so I have to live with the consequences. Even before that, when my ex worked the weekend shift, I did methamphetamine with no one around, just my math, my alcohol, and my cigarettes. My house got a deep clean every weekend.
I have a physical therapist and an occupational therapist who have been coming out and helping me with exercise and working out what I'm going to be doing when I get back up in my chair; they showed me a bunch of exercises I can do to get my neck and my arms so that I won't be all limp in my chair when I get back up into it. I have my exercise cycle, I will get a standing frame, and I hope to get back into shape… I've lost a lot of weight, so I hope to keep that off, but I want to build muscle. I also found a rehab place that has everything I need, so I'm definitely going to join that. I also talked about how I would like to join or start a support group, but I miss connecting with people. I never thought I would say that because I was always a recluse. I never had any friends, but after the pandemic, I started hosting Canine Companion for Independence puppy play groups and parties! I also had Michael Franti's stay-at-home concerts in the driveway. My neighbor Trish would invite some of her friends, and I would invite a couple of mine, and it was just so much fun.
Yesterday was my final follow-up with my plastic surgeon. He said everything looked good, and I could start getting up in my chair, but I had to sit straight up; no more leaning back even the slightest because that would make my sore not heal. It's always so comfortable to lay back a little, and I never thought that leaning back like that was terrible for my pressure sore; it makes sense how my doctor explained it, and I don't know why I didn't put it together sooner. Now that I don't have a job anymore, my job is to keep my body healthy and strong, something I always did halfway, but now that's my goal. There were a couple times when things just got worse, and I was just thinking," This is going to be the end of me, so I might as well just give up." Now, I will buckle down and save money, even enough to buy a house. I would love to get my place and have a caregiver or nurse Live with me. In truth, I would love to buy a place in Santa Cruz, but that will never happen, so I'm trying to have realistic goals.
I hired a new round of caregivers about three months ago; of course, in the interview and for the first week or so, they were always perfect and seemed to do everything without being reminded many times. In the past I always learn about some of my caregivers taking stuff, when somebody figures out that you have some money and you get packages from Amazon every day they figure out that they need it more than I do. It's heartbreaking. I tried to be generous with people who helped me, and sometimes it ended badly. I have such a hard time with confrontation and talking to people, and although I still can't after all these years, I see other people doing it, and I envy them. I now have the perfect crew, and I can't wait to organize my house, decluttered and spotless. I ended up with storage for all of my holiday decorations and one with stuff that I haven't been able to go through my house; my brother and my niece have been suggesting that I just sell everything and get rid of the storage payments, I finally decided to do it since my new place is so tiny and I'm trying to save money. My niece is selling everything for me, so I would only look at some things and decide not to do it.
Nine months ago, I got a chocolate lab puppy. I had always wanted one. The receptionist at the place where I went for wound care and the hyperbaric chamber had a litter of puppies and was giving them away. How could I resist? My family was a little upset with me, and at first, it was tough trying to keep her from chewing up everything and barking and whining all night. I met a dog trainer who worked with Dude, keeping him fit and groomed when I was stuck in bed with the pressure sore. She is the best! I named my puppy Kona after a visiting nurse's Service dog. The best thing about it is that Dude and Kona just adore each other, I tried to adopt a puppy a couple of times, but Dude wouldn't have anything to do with them, so they had to go. They are always playing and running in the yard with each other. Dude is like a puppy again!
The evening before Thanksgiving, Stanley and Janet came down and asked what I would think about moving; that was the best news I've heard in a long time! I couldn't believe that my family decided to put me in the basement where I didn't even have a bedroom at the bottom of a huge hill that I had to tackle whenever I wanted to go anywhere or come home. I started looking immediately! At first, we discussed getting another place like this, with their place upstairs and mine downstairs only, with at least two or three bedrooms for me. At first, I thought I could hold firm and get what I wanted; after all these years, I deserved it! I have a good friend I met in Santa Cruz about 10 years ago. She is a massage therapist and used to come by twice a week to give me a nice two-hour massage, and she was terrific! She's been talking about moving away from Santa Cruz to another state, so we've talked about possibly moving in together! If not, I'm confident I will find somebody else.
